In 2017 I got exactly what I asked for, often to realize that I didn’t want those things anymore. Any comfort zone I had left was demolished as I pushed myself to the edge and took one leap of faith after another. I met my shadow in the deepest, most hidden, parts of myself. I was shown in striking detail where I still believed myself powerless, unloved, unworthy, and incapable.
It settled for nothing less than total surrender to the truth of what I really am. There was no half-stepping anymore. After 10 months of chaos, 4 cities, and countless false starts, I arrived back in the same place where my awakening began 5 years ago. I landed in SF depleted, empty, and confused. I felt trapped in a tomb of scar tissue. I couldn’t feel anything. All I had numbed myself to and avoided feeling in my life wrapped itself around me and wouldn’t let go. There was no more wiggle room, and no more free passes. I had backed myself into a corner and the only way out was through. Under the loving guidance of a dear friend I experienced a breath work session that changed my life. I entered an altered state that took my breath away; holding me underwater until I had no choice but to open up and let it all go. Repressed emotions burst forth and I felt things from the most ancient parts of myself. Things I didn’t even know I held. The intensity of what came through me humbled me beyond anything I have ever known. It was clear in that moment that my entire year had been leading to this point. The only way the steel trap of my resistance was going to let go was if I had exhausted every other option. My triple Virgo, type A self was unrelenting and the only force it couldn’t withstand was pure Divine Love. I was stripped bare and FINALLY surrendered to myself. I’m a stubborn fucker, that’s for sure! 2018 is a year of collaboration, soul family, laser like clarity, breathtaking joy, and a willingness to honor my truth above all else. I see now more than ever the power and grace of that which flows through all of us. 2018 is going to be a lot of joyful work, and I can’t wait to see what’s next. Bring it on! Sending you big love and lots of amazing things for the new year.
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