I’ve found my voice again. That might seem like an odd statement coming from me. Anyone who has known or followed me for even a short time can attest to the fact that I am seldom at a loss for words.
Yet, over the past few months, through some of THE most intense energetic passages I have ever experienced, something has reawakened.
Believe it or not, one of the constant fears in my life has been the fear of being seen and heard. Yet another statement that might seem strange coming from someone who’s chosen profession is built around being a public figure with a lot of words to share.
Still, that fear has been a constant companion throughout my life. Not a crippling one, not a paralyzing one, but present all the same. Like a low grade fever that is subtly sapping my inner strength and wellbeing. It’s a fear that has often found me censoring myself. One that has often seen me holding back, trying to smooth the rough edges, and soften my words. Not out of compassion, but out of fear.
One of my superpowers in this life is the magic of communication.
I have always possessed the ability to take high level concepts and bring them down to earth. I have an uncanny knack to know exactly what to say in the moment to bring forth the Truth in any given situation. This has frequently resulted in people being VERY uncomfortable in my presence; often without them, or me, knowing why. My energy field was built to disrupt. Disrupt the unconscious patterns and behaviors that keep us locked in a sleeping state.
Maybe it’s the fact that the majority of my astrological chart is split between Earth and Air. Maybe it’s the fact that as a child I was always on stage singing, or speaking, or performing in some capacity. Maybe it’s the fact that I usually find myself most comfortable on the edges of the accepted mainstream narratives; an outsider looking in and observing.
I suspect it’s a combination of all of the above.
At any rate, this superpower of mine, this potent medicine that spills out of my mouth, has often been framed as a liability.
“Andrew, you’re too direct.”
“Andrew, you’re SO intense.”
“Andrew, can’t you soften your words and tone?!”
“Stop looking at me with those eyes, Andrew! It’s like you can see right through me!”
Couple this with an almost pathological need to be liked and accepted, especially in the earlier stages of life, and you’ve got a potent recipe for endless self censorship.
Recently I’ve started musing on concepts such as audience capture. The idea being that when you are an online creator (which in this day and age, pretty much everyone is. There’s very little that doesn’t eventually end up as digital content) you run the risk of falling into a trap where you only say, write, or share things that your audience wants to hear and that align with their collective belief.
As someone who’s primary platform is social media, I absolutely understand this concept. It can feel really scary to move out of the lane that your followers and subscribers have come to know and expect.
There’s also a concept that I have often shared about living in or creating an echo chamber. The context that I’ve usually offered this idea in is relative to our when own inner dialogue runs unchecked. When that occurs we get caught in a loop. A loop where we accept the inner dialogue as wholesale truth, which then prompts us to repeat the same patterns, which continue to produce the same results. Thereby reinforcing the erroneous belief that the inner dialogue dictates. In a broader context for this post however, the echo chamber effect is what happens when you begin to pander to your audience, only giving them content that supports or aligns with what they already believe and are comfortable with, regardless of its authenticity.
I’m not here to reinforce beliefs. Except the ones that remind you that you are the Sovereign Authority in your experience. I am interested in you remembering this and challenging any voices (both internal and external) that tell you otherwise. I am here to provide tools that point one back to themselves over and over and over until it finally sinks in. You are the Creator of all you experience.
I’m not interested in your comfort if it comes at the expense of an authentic relationship with yourself. Growth, evolution, and transformation require intentional discomfort and mindful awkwardness.
I am not a guru or a savior. I’m a being who is here to assist humanity in liberating themselves by their own hand. I am also a human who is navigating his own path. Often publicly, in real time, while live-streaming. The receipts are there. There’s almost 10 years worth of content on my YouTubechannel to support this very real fact. It’s a living document of my own awakening; shared with the world (or the portion of the world who’s watching) in the hopes that you will find something there that sparks your own reconnection with yourSelf.
In this age where block, unsubscribe, unfollow, unfriend, and cancel have become the new pitchforks and torches. In a time where uncomfortable questions and unpopular opinions are often the match on the gasoline soaked rags, it’s no wonder so many are afraid to speak up.
Yet, here I am with a mission to serve, and a voice that just won’t keep quiet.
As I write this, I am also aware of my flair for the dramatic.
So what is one to do when your [constantly] evolving truth brings you to a place where holding back is no longer merely filtering, but has become self censoring? What is one to do when what they are inspired to share will undoubtedly impel some people to walk away?
I did a lot of things. I had [several] moments of panic. Dry mouth, sweaty palms, knotted guts and vertiginous fear spiraling. I dove deep into my inner temple and watched myself squirm and flail. I shed some tears and screamed into some pillows. I reached out to friends and colleagues for support and breathed REALLY deeply for a LONG time. I sat, I wrote, I meditated. I took walks to the beach and cried some more. I asked deeper questions of mySelf and kept showing up.
Eventually I found my center and allowed clarity to emerge. Then I did what I was born to do, I shared my experience. I asked for feedback, opinions, and insight. I moved TOWARDS the discomfort. I required whomever was active in the conversation to take accountability and responsibility for what they brought into the space. I asked Spirit and Self for guidance and reminders.
Then, I found my voice again.
What’s clear is this. I’m not going anywhere. Whether it’s one follower or a million, I’m not going to censor or silence myself anymore. I’m not letting myself off the hook that easily. I’m not taking the bait of a binary, either/or, with me or against me mentality. This isn’t thumbs up or thumbs down. This isn’t fucking Netflix…this is LIFE.
There’s a lot I don’t know. I mean a whole lot. But what I do know is that truth isn’t found in the fallacy of a false dichotomy. It’s found in the gray areas, in nuance, in the quiet moments of inner stillness. It’s found in the places that aren’t always easy or convenient to occupy.
Standing with a group of people with a shared intent can be a powerful thing. Especially when the group is a diverse spectrum of not just skin color, sexual identity, gender identity, demographics, and religious belief. Authentic diversity also includes a range of belief systems, points of view, back grounds, and experiences. There is something magical about that. If one’s view of diversity doesn’t make room for all of it, then it’s not really diversity, it’s delusion.
Standing with a group of people who only think, feel, believe, act, and enshrine the exact same things with no room for difference is fucking boring. That’s like going to the store and only being able to buy the exact same three things every. Single. Time. That’s not true diversity. That’s not real life. That’s a slow death by exclusion and denial of Self.
I believe, in the end, we humans essentially want the same things. We all want to be seen and heard. To feel safe and loved. To have the freedom to create and express ourselves openly. To exercise our Sovereign Authority over our bodies. To be given a fair shake at building a good life for ourselves and those we love. To have access to resources and support, and assistance when needed. We all need a leg up sometimes.
I think it’s the values someone holds that tells me who they are. Not their opinions or what newspaper they read. It’s not about who they voted for or what books they have or haven’t read. It’s about what they’re willing to do to stand up to their own inner oppressor and reform their inner landscape. It’s about how willing they are to consider another’s perspective and reshape their own beliefs if and when they realize they’ve become outdated or limiting. It’s about how willing one is to move through the discomfort of conflict in order to find common ground again. It’s about how willing they are to own when they get it wrong, and to keep on trying no matter what.
Like it or not, we’re all in this together. Like it or not, you can’t just ship those who you disagree with or disapprove of to some remote corner of existence just so you don’t have to deal with them. We’ve tried that already. It doesn’t work.
Just because someone says something you don’t like or that triggers something chaotic within you, doesn’t mean you’re being gaslighted. It’s really an opportunity for you to turn within and become curious about what exactly it is that set you off. Ultimately, only you can decide to calm those inner waters.
I want you to learn to stand up to yourself. I want you to question your programming. I want you to stop living at the exclusion of You. I want you to reclaim your Sovereign Authority. Whether or not that happens isn’t up to me, because this isn’t really about what I want. This is about what I came here to do.
I will continue to show up. To ask tough questions. To insist on my and your greatness. To find ways to laugh at the big cosmic joke we’re all in and offer compassion and to seek understanding wherever I can. I hope you’ll join me.
