“I’m so tired of this” he said quietly. “I just want it to be over. How do I get rid of this?”
I could see the exhaustion on his face. The vibe I was getting from his mental field made it clear his thoughts were on overdrive. It was evident this pattern was depleting him. The amount of energy he had expended trying to figure his way out of this was no doubt enormous.
I felt a great deal of compassion for him as he sat before me expectantly waiting for an answer that would be his magic fix.
“I understand the perspective that this is something to be figured out” I replied. “I totally get the aching desire to be free from a mental construct that has you running in an endless loop. It’s like living in a fricking M.C. Escher painting!” I exclaimed
He laughed deeply as he nodded in agreement.
“Here’s the thing though” I continued.
“This isn’t something you can just excommunicate from your life. This isn’t something to be banished.”
“You can’t deduce your way out of this. You have to feel your way through it.”
He looked at me and sighed a deep sigh of recognition. His previously tense body relaxed at finally hearing the truth. It was clear to him that the old approach wasn’t working anymore, but currently his mind had him in a cul-de-sac with no exit in sight.
“Do you wanna know what needs to happen?” I queried.
“Please, I am all ears.”
“You’ve gotta pull it close. You have to offer this part of you unconditional love until it acquiesces. You have to shower this mental pattern with love and compassion until it relinquishes control and collapses in on itself. That’s the only thing that’s going to work.”
Suddenly I felt his energy shift. There was an opening that appeared in the geometry of his field that signified to me change could now occur. For the first time in our session, he had moved out of his head and back into his body. He had dropped into his heart. He was ready, and now the transformative work could finally begin.
♾️
This is one of the paradoxical things about the work of healing and transformation. We often approach our sense of brokenness or stuckness as something to be fixed or cured. In our attempt to relieve ourselves of our burdens and pain, we effectively turn ourselves into a blunt instrument. We become a hammer looking for a nail.
However, when it comes to deeply engrained patterns and belief systems, this doesn’t work. The trick is not to find what’s “wrong” and then figure out a way to fix it. The trick is to feel in to it, to dive in deeply and dance with it. To acknowledge and accept the thing as it is and pull it close so that it relaxes, opens, and reveals itself. It is through this revelation that we are finally given access to the understanding that allows it to move through us and go.
When we label a part of ourselves as “broken” or “blocked” we create a judgement about it. Judgement of any kind immediately separates us from the thing we have judged and holds it outside of our experience. It’s akin to locking the unwanted aspect out in the cold. The problem with this approach is that when something is a part of us, it can’t just “go away”. It’s impossible to banish it. It’s the equivalent of telling a frightened or angry child that you only want to parent them when they’re happy and well behaved. Any parent can tell you that even if a child’s emotional response is irrational or doesn’t seem to make sense, all they really want is to be seen. They simply want to be acknowledged, pulled close, and allowed to be exactly as they are in that moment.
It is through our willingness to draw our pained parts closer and show them love that allows them to soften. Then we can begin the process of realization and understand how to bring ourselves back to congruence. Each aspect of us has a story to tell. Like a visitor seeking an audience with the Sovereign. The only way they will ever complete their mission of healing is when they can deliver their message. Once they’ve done that, they begin the process of dissolving back into Self.
I’ve been doing this work for over a decade. If you’re currently feeling like you need guidance, reflection and support, I can help.
I love you.
Amar
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