Years ago I had a spiritual mentor who told me “Andrew, the key to happiness is to expect what you find”. At the time, I had no clue what she really meant by that, and frankly I thought it was a little stupid. But I smiled and nodded my head in agreement anyway. Over the past couple of years, this lesson has really begun to sink in. The past two years have taught me how to be at home no matter where I am. I lived in 6 different cities with family, total strangers, and people I barely knew. As a creature of comfort and routine, this was a HUGE leap out of my comfort zone. The first year was hell. I had HUGE expectations of how my living situation should be, ought to be, and needed to be in order for me to be happy. The sense of entitlement I carried with me was massive in scale. I was determined to force my environment to give to me exactly and ONLY exactly what I though I required in order to be happy in my home. Anything else was unacceptable and sent me into a tizzy. Trust me when I tell you, that that didn’t really go over very well. Yet life, in its way, smoothed out some of my rough edges by pushing me further and further to the truth. It began to dawn on me that it was my expectations that were the cause of my suffering, not my environment. Suddenly it clicked. Was I able to drop what I thought HAD to be in place for me to be happy and satisfied and let what was be what was? Was I willing to get the fuck over myself and stop walking around like the world owed me something so that life could emerge and show me what was already there for me? Over the past two years, I’ve gotten better at this, it’s something I still work on. What I know now is that the cause of my suffering is always me. I still have preferences and definitely know what I do and don’t like. But I’ve stopped walking around looking for ways to be disappointed. I have learned that while expecting what I find doesn’t always thrill me, it at least lets me drop the burden of my expectations and now I can meet life where it is.
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