The Fullness Of All That I Am
So much of my life’s energy has been spent trying to fragment and fracture myself. The attempt of the mind to keep me from my “bigness” has been chronic from about age 5. Don’t be too visible or too loud or too demanding. Don’t have emotions that are too powerful or too strong. Don’t express yourself too grandly or too effusively. Don’t be unrestrained or enthusiastic. I learned very early on that to be too much of myself was dangerous. It was a risk to be bold and audacious. I was too weird, or too talented, or too expressive. I was too tall and my hair was too red and my mannerisms were often too feminine. My family wasn’t wealthy, but we had what we needed and much of what we wanted. I had a checking account starting at about the age of 12. The attempt of my parents to instill financial responsibility in me was an exercise in extreme discomfort. I remember at the age of 12, standing in line at the local Woolworth’s checkout where I went to buy my candy and 45 records of the latest music. When it came time for me to make my purchases, I pulled out my checkbook to pay. Much to the surprise and judgement of the cashier and other people waiting in line. In truth, it probably wasn’t as dramatic as the mind recalls it. However, at the time, I felt like an alien. Who is THIS kid with a fancy checkbook at age 12? Why does he have this? Who does he think he is? I remember wanting to curl up into a ball and just disappear. I didn’t want that kind of attention, I just wanted to blend in and disappear into the landscape...
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It's All A Gift
Today was the same and I woke up much later than my usual time. What I saw when I opened my eyes was nothing short of spectacular. My room faces East, so I get a good view of the morning sky first thing upon waking. The sunrises lately have been stunning, but today was over the top. The whole span of the open space I saw through my window was a wash of intense magenta, orange, and violet. I jumped out of bed and threw on my slippers so I could go outside to witness it. The colors in the sky are fleeting and ephemeral. In a blink a kaleidoscope of color can fade to dull gray-blue. This morning I made it outside in plenty of time to see the breathtaking beauty.
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Chaos and Creation
Everything is changing rapidly. This is an acceleration and a lifting. The energies are intensifying and the higher reality is rising. Many at this time are going to be experiencing a version of reality that is very otherworldly and magical. From here on out the shifts are going to be more and more physical.
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The Hardest Thing
There are a lot of difficult things about a spiritual awakening. I used to say that “awakening is not for the faint of heart or weak in spirit.” A spiritual journey has moments of breathtaking beauty and indescribable joy, but it’s also intense, overwhelming, bewildering, terrifying, and brutal. It’s more “both and” than “this or that.” I’ve been reflecting on my awakening journey lately. It began around 1995 but accelerated in 2012. During those years, Spirit repeatedly tried to reach me, but I was either distracted or too deeply in denial to answer. **There’s a bible verse that says “Many are called but few are chosen.” There’s some contention around the translation. Many scholars believe that the true translation of that verse to be “Many are called but few CHOOSE.” Because we are afforded the experience of free will in this reality, as always, it is up to us to choose.
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